1 Peter 3:1-11

1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,

2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

What do you think it means for a wife to be submissive to her husband? How would our behavior influence an unbelieving spouse?

When we are married, we no longer can consider only our own feelings and wants. We must consider those of our spouse. In these verses wives are encouraged to submit to their husbands. In the example that Peter gives of unbelieving husbands, the wife’s behavior is given as a cause for the spouse to be won over to the Lord. When the husband sees the purity and reverence of his wife’s actions, it makes him realize that God is true. I have seen this actually happen many times when the actions of a Christian wife or husband have led to the partner turning their life over to God. I have also seen examples where a spouse has been so un-Christlike in their actions that their family wants nothing to do with God.

3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward-- arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel--

4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

Do these verses tell us that woman should not wear make-up, fix their hair, or wear jewelry and fine clothes? What is true beauty in God’s sight?

Peter says a woman’s beauty should not be the surface beauty of outward appearances but the inward beauty of a Godly life. We Americans are obsessed with our appearance. I read about one woman who has had 27 different cosmetic surgeries trying to achieve the "perfect" look. I don’t think there is anything wrong with trying to look our best. And I don’t think Peter is necessarily teaching against wearing make-up, fixing the hair, wearing jewelry and fine clothes. But his point is that these are not the important things. The important things are what’s on the inside of a person. Let us spend our time working on our inner self.

5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands,

6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.

Should wives be treated like slaves? What does verse 6 tell us wives should do? What do we need to change in the way we treat our spouse?

God created man and woman to be equals – to help each other. A wife should not be treated as a slave. Notice that verse 6 says the wife should do what is right, and not be in fear. A wife should be treated in such a way that she is not afraid of her husband. But on the other hand a wife should not try to be the one in charge in the marriage relationship either. Husbands and wives need to be sensitive to the needs of each other. More than anything else husbands wish to be respected and wives wish to be loved. Let us learn to treat each other the way God wants us to, and we will find our marriage is much happier.

7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

How are husbands to treat their wives? Why? What will happen if we don’t treat our marriage partner with respect? Have their been times when family conflicts have hindered your prayers?

Husbands are given instruction to be considerate of their wives. Every decision in a family needs to be from consideration of the feelings of others. I don’t believe that marriages where one spouse makes all the decisions are healthy at all. There needs to be give and take in any family relationship. A husband needs to treat his wife as though she were the weaker partner. But notice Peter tells us that we are both heirs of God’s gift. Husbands are not superior to their wives. In fact, if husbands don’t treat their wives with love and consideration, Peter says our prayers can be hindered. Have you ever noticed that when there is a lot of family conflict, it seems difficult to pray and hear God’s voice? We need to learn to treat each other with the same love and forgiveness that God has shown to us.

McNab comments, "There is no ground here for an argument in favour of the inferiority of women to men. The attitude which the apostle enjoins is not merely the conventional, submissive attitude of his day but the expression of the Christian readiness to subordinate self to others."

8 Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous;

Peter lists 5 traits that husbands and wives should exhibit. Name them. What do they all have in common? Which of these traits do you need to work on more?

Peter lists 5 traits that we should exhibit:

1. be of one mind

2. have compassion for one another

3. love as brothers and sisters

4. be tenderhearted

5. be courteous

If we practice these five things, we will find our relationships with others will vastly improve.

9 not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.

How are we to handle insults? Why should we be a blessing to other family members? Why do we have so much difficulty with our temper?

When we are on the receiving end of evil or insults, Peter says we are to respond with blessing. This is against our nature. When we are insulted, we usually want to respond in anger. But Peter tells us we are called to be a blessing to others. How can we be a blessing to our spouse if we are angry with them? Remember, Christ endured the insults and the humiliation of the death on the cross. Can’t we also endure a little for Christ?

MacDonald remarks, "This whole Epistle is written against a backdrop of persecution and suffering. ... Repeatedly, believers are urged to suffer for righteousness’ sake without retaliating. We are not to repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling. Instead we are to bless those who mistreat us, and to repay insult with kindness. As Christians, we are not called to harm others but to do them good, not to curse but to bless."

10 For "He who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking deceit.

What is the secret to happiness in our marriage relationship? Why do we have so much difficulty guarding what we say?

Here’s the secret to happiness in our marriage – we must be careful what we say. Not only should we not respond in anger, but we even need to not be deceitful. When we do these things, the promise is that we will "see good days." Unfortunately, it’s all too easy for us to lose our temper and let loose with a verbal barrage that we regret later. Peter says if we love life, we will not be this way. Verbal attacks and abuse is destructive. Let us learn to guard our tongue, and be a blessing to our family.

11 Let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.

What are we called to pursue in our marriage? How would we go about doing this?

We are called to pursue peace. If we are constantly in conflict or turmoil, how can we expect our home to be peaceful? We need to learn to allow God to minister his peace to our soul so that we can be contributors of calm instead of conflict. This is not something that comes easily. There will be times when we have to pursue peace. In other words, we may have to work hard to achieve it.

Verses 10-11 are quoted from Psalm 34:12-14 :

12 Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days,

13 keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.

14 Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.

What was true in David’s day 3000 years ago and Peter’s day 2000 years ago still applies today. We need to seek peace and pursue it. Let us strive to serve him in a manner worthy of the calling he has placed on our life.