The Virtuous Wife and the Responsible Husband

Part 2 – God’s Plan for Husbands and Wives
Study 4 – The Virtuous Wife and the Responsible Husband

Proverbs 31:10-28

Last week’s study in 1 Timothy dwelt more on the characteristics of the husband than the wife, so this study will balance that one out as we look more at the wife in this portion of scripture. Although this passage in Proverbs is talking about the virtuous woman, there are a number of references here to the responsible husband. This section of scripture is an acrostic, which means each verse begins with a successive letter of the Hebrew alphabet. Garrett points out concerning this passage of scripture, "...the original intended audience was not young women but young men. ...the central message of the poem: this woman is the kind of wife a man needs in order to be successful in life."

10 Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.

What is the one quality in his wife that a husband should admire the most? What attracted you to your wife? Why do men sometimes place more importance on a woman’s beauty instead of her virtue?

The most important quality in a wife is virtue, which is an inner goodness. But let’s face it. Men often are attracted to outward beauty instead of inward virtue. God wants us to look at the inside of a person, not the outside.

11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.

Why do you think it is essential for a husband to trust his wife?

Without trust, a marriage will flounder. A husband who wants to keep close tabs on his wife or gets jealous easily will make a marriage miserable. And a husband who is afraid to trust his wife with household, family, or financial decisions will find himself burdened with extra work. There come times in every family situation where we need to trust each other in some emergency decisions that have to be made – whether it’s disciplining the children or taking care of something around the house. The more trust we have in each other’s ability to make wise decisions, the easier it will be for a family to operate smoothly.

Garrett comments, "The husband has ‘full confidence’ in her in every area of life; he trusts in her good sense, her fidelity, and her industry."

12 She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeks wool and flax, and willingly works with her hands.

Why is it important that a wife be willing to work with her hands? What task do you enjoy doing the most?

I don’t know too many families that can be operated if a wife is not willing to roll up her sleeves and work with her hands. There may be tasks that are unpleasant to do, but they sometimes have to be done. It is important for us to learn how to make the unpleasant enjoyable by re-adjusting our attitudes concerning certain tasks.

14 She is like the merchant ships, she brings her food from afar.

15 She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household, and a portion for her maidservants.

What do you think it means "she also rises while it is yet night"? Are you an early morning person, or a late night person?

If a wife only worked during the daylight hours of Biblical times, she would not accomplish much. To prepare for the day, this wife would get up early in the morning. In our days of refrigeration and other modern conveniences, a person could prepare for their day the night before. But in either case, there are responsibilities that must be done. Sometimes it means staying up late at night or rising early in the morning. We must be willing to spend the time necessary to get everything done.

16 She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard.

Why is it important for husbands to encourage their wives to make financial decisions for the family?

This wife is involved in the financial decisions of the family. In our day when wives have a greater life-span, it is really important for husbands to be willing to encourage their wives to make financial decisions and understand the family finances. Someday the husband may not be there to help with those decisions. This requires trust and responsibility on the part of both spouses. We place trust for wise handling of finances in our spouse, and they need to merit that trust by being responsible with financial decisions. A family where either the husband or the wife tends to indulge themselves too much financially will lead to marital squabbles and an unwillingness to trust the other spouse with money. This is not healthy for a marriage.

17 She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms.

18 She perceives that her merchandise is good, and her lamp does not go out by night.

19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hand holds the spindle.

How would you describe the wife portrayed in these three verses?

This wife is a worker. She is not weak, fragile, or helpless. Instead, she is strong, willing, and confident. It is said that American men don’t like this kind of woman. I knew a 12 year-old girl who was a very good chessplayer. She once told me that the boys in her class didn’t like her because she always beat them in chess. She was considering losing some games so she would be more popular. My advice to her was that the kinds of boys who would like her the way she was were the only kinds of boys that were good enough for her. If your wife is strong, willing, and confident, be grateful that God has given you such an exceptional wife. A weak, fragile, and helpless wife would seem to me to be very boring.

20 She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.

Why is it important that we consider the poor and the needy?

It is a fact that women tend to be more compassionate than men. We should never get so involved in our own pursuits and family that we neglect the needs of others. When we reach out to help others, not only do we benefit them, but we also grow because of our willingness to share.

21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household is clothed with scarlet.

22 She makes tapestry for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.

Why was clothing considered a wife’s responsibility when these Proverbs were written? What is our responsibility to our children today? What do these verses tell us about the husband’s responsibility to help provide for the family?

There were no Wal-Marts in those days where you could purchase whatever clothing you might want. Everything was hand-sewn. So it was essential that each wife became adept at providing her family with good clothing. Today that skill is not needed as much, but it is still important for a family to provide for their children. This is always a team effort. The husband must also assume his responsibility for providing for the family. In our society of both husband and wife working outside of the home, these distinctive lines may sometimes become blurred, but it is essential that both parents assume responsibility for the physical needs of their children as well as the emotional nurturing. I have seen families where the parents dress well and the children are in old, second-hand clothes. We must make every effort to provide for our children’s physical needs which includes decent clothing, nutritious dinners, and supplies to encourage their mental and creative development. Parents cannot spend all their money on their own pursuits and neglect their children. On the other hand, the parents shouldn’t lavish their children while neglecting their own needs.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.

Why is it important for a husband to be responsible with his finances? How does a husband’s reputation reflect on the entire family?

This husband was well-respected in the community. The elders of the city would take turns sitting in the city’s gates to witness legal transactions and render judgements on disputes. This means he was responsible with his finances and met his obligations. A husband who is financially irresponsible will bring woe on the whole family. It is important for a husband to be a responsible member of the community.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies sashes for the merchants.

25 Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.

What do these verse tell us about the importance of what we say? Do we open our mouths with wisdom and are our words the law of kindness? How can we correct this?

Verse 26 emphasizes how important it is for wives to speak with wisdom and kindness. Nothing will destroy the harmony of a family quicker than when we speak foolishness and unkindness. But I believe it is especially important for a wife to exhibit this behavior. You’ve heard the saying, "When Mama’s not happy, ain’t no one happy!" I believe this is really true. Wives need to work at what they say and how they say it. Wisdom and kindness needs to be what comes out of our mouth. Of course, husbands also need to work on this.

27 She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.

How can laziness affect a marriage relationship? How do we overcome our lack of ambition?

Even though there may be times when we all feel lazy, idleness has a detrimental effect on the whole family. We must all be willing to work hard. My experience has been that even tasks that I don’t enjoy doing, once I start them, they are not half as bad as I thought they would be. To overcome laziness, we must discipline ourselves to not give into idleness. Nothing is worse than a spouse not willing to pull their fair share.

28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.

Why is it important for a husband to praise his wife? How many compliments have you given your wife this past week?

Much of the work a wife does goes unnoticed. It is important that the husband appreciate all of his wife’s hard work and compliment her on her efforts. I have noticed that people respond to compliments. I have never seen someone not happy with compliments. So why are we so negligent in giving them? A husband must be on the lookout for those "small" things that his wife does around the house or with the family, and ever be ready to praise her. I have noticed that when we are complimented about a good job we are doing, then we want to try even harder. Compliments and praise are a secret to a successful marriage.

Footnotes: