Submitting to One Another

Part 2 – God’s Plan for Husbands and Wives
Study 1 – Submitting to One Another

Ephesians 5:21-33

21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.

What do you think it means to submit ourselves to one another?

When we submit to one another, it means we consider the other persons feelings as important as our own. This is the foundation of any Christian relationship, but it is especially important for husbands and wives to submit themselves one to another. When we care about the other person and put their feelings first, we will be fulfilling the love of God in our hearts, and we will be a true blessing to our family.

Hendrickson comments, "No institution on earth is more sacred than that of the family. None is more basic. As is the moral and religious atmosphere in the family, so will it be in the church, the nation, and society in general."

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.

24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Do these verses mean wives should be in complete subservience to their husbands?

These verses do not mean that a wife is supposed to be a slave to her husband. But the wife needs to submit herself to her husband as a partner in marriage. The husband and wife must be in agreement in order for a marriage to work, and they must learn how to communicate their feelings to each other. A wife should not make an important family decision without submitting it to her husband just as a husband should not make an important decision without considering his wife’s feelings and concerns.

Hendrickson comments on verse 23, "This statement may come as a surprise to those who have been used to place undue stress on a husband’s authority over his wife. To be sure, he has that authority and should exercise it, but never in a domineering manner. The comparison with Christ as head of the church reveals in what sense the husband is the wife’s head. He is her head as being vitally interested in her welfare. He is her protector. His pattern is Christ who, as head of the church, is its Savior!"

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

How much did Christ love the church? What do you think this verse is teaching husbands about how to treat their wives?

How much should husbands love their wives? As much as Christ loved us by dying for us. Husbands need to be willing to make sacrifices for their family. They must be willing to sacrifice their own wants and ambitions for the good of the marriage. If husbands would concentrate on the teaching in this verse, we would have fewer marital problems.

26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,

27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

How does Christ cleanse his church? How can we apply this to the marriage relationship?

Just as Christ cleanses his church, we can have a positive influence on our spouse. It is easier to follow the Christian walk when those around us are also setting a good Christian example. As Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:13-14, "And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband...."

28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

What do these verses teach husbands about how they are to treat their wives?

Notice this verse tells us that men nourish and cherish their own flesh. This is given as an example of how husbands are to treat their wives.

Cherish – Husbands must cherish their wives. They must be concerned for their welfare, and they must not be afraid to express their love. If we cherish someone, we want only the best for them.

Nurture – Husbands need to nurture their wives. I think this means help them to reach their full potential – encourage them and assist them in their endeavors. There’s an old saying "Behind every successful man is a woman." But I think it’s equally important that behind every successful woman is her husband helping, nurturing, and encouraging her.

30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.

Who should be in control of our marriage relationship?

If we are members of Christ’s body, we need to allow him to control our actions. Demanding to have our own way is not Christ-like. We must learn to submit our marriage to God and act according to what he wants in our life.

Hendrickson comments, "...since Christ as our head, so assiduously cares for us, members of his body, let husbands take this to heart and let them strive to emulate Christ in the loving attention which they focus upon their...wives."

31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."

32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

According to verse 33, what is the most important thing that a husband should do and what is the most important thing that a wife should do? Why do you think these two things are emphasized?

In this verse is an amazing synopsis of how husbands and wives need to treat each other. In my experience the biggest problems in marriages revolve around different perceptions by husbands and wives. Men and women are different, and husbands and wives have different needs. Two thousand years ago the Holy Spirit gave Paul insight that is applicable today.

Wives need to feel loved. The fact that the husband does things for his wife – earns money, helps around the house, spends time with the children – is not enough. Wives want to know that they are loved. Men naturally will care for their wives but some have a problem showing their love. So Paul writes here in a nutshell the most important thing for a husband to do – love his wife. Husbands need to learn how to show their feelings to their spouse and to say the words often, "I love you."

But my experience has been that for the husband, the need is different. Even more than knowing that their wives love them, husbands want most that their wives respect them. It is necessary for a wife to not humiliate her husband or put him down, especially in public, but also in private. Wives will naturally love their husbands, but what their spouses want most is respect. So Paul writes that a wife should "respect her husband."

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