What do you think it means to be a family? Define what and whom you consider your family?

Most of us think of a family as two parents with one or more children, but there are many different arrangements that constitute a family. We are actually part of one great extended family. In each segment of that family, we have different relationships. We want to start this discussion focusing on the basic family unit. That may be husband and wife, or parents and children, or even single parent and children. It could include more family members if they are living with you or very close to you. If you are single, it may be your parents and your siblings, or even a close friend. Each person’s definition of their family will be determined by their unique circumstances. There is no longer one standard American family of husband, wife, and two children. However, it’s important to realize that we are all part of a family.

If I would give one simple definition of what it means to be a family, it would have to be people who are living together sharing love and care for each other, unity of purpose, and a willingness to submerge the needs of the individual to the greater needs of the family unit. Once we are part of a family, we cannot only think of our own wishes and desires. We learn to want the best for each family member. This sometimes comes only as others are willing to sacrifice their own desires for the benefit of others in the family.

List the strengths of your family.

All families have strengths. The problem is we sometimes take these positive traits for granted. It is good at the beginning of this study for each of us to consider the strengths of our family. As you think of the strengths of your family, also think of the strengths of each individual. Often, family members will complement each other – one’s strength will compensate for another’s weakness. If you have a difficult time thinking of strengths, try to remember all those times when the family did happy and pleasant things together or had to face a difficult challenge together. But try to identify what you would consider the strengths of the whole family, instead of only the strengths of individuals. And definitely avoid only listing what you perceive as your own strengths!

List one or two weaknesses of your family?

Instead of dwelling on the strengths of our family, usually we dwell on the weaknesses – especially of other members in the family! Only list one or two weaknesses. We may think our family has many weaknesses, but all families have faults and flaws. The perfect Hollywood family doesn’t exist. The goal is to grow in maturity as a family by changing weaknesses into strengths. In fact, underlying many weaknesses are positive personality traits that merely have to be re-focused.

Why do you think God established families?

I believe that one of the reasons God has established families is so we can understand how he relates to us. When we are forced to discipline our children because we love them and want them to learn right from wrong, we can better understand why God might chasten us. When we can forgive our spouse even though they have wronged us, we can better understand God’s forgiveness. When we are encouraged and supported by our family during time of sickness or despair, we can better understand how God cares for his people. When children learn that their parents love them and are worthy of their respect and trust, they can better understand how to trust in God. Family relationships help us to understand God better.

But the more important reason that God has established families is because it is the best way for people to mature and grow. If we were all left on our own, it would be a lonely struggle. But in our family, we each have our own support group, our own cheerleading section, and our own safe haven where we know we are loved. Children may be ignored in school, but at home they receive one-on-one attention. Husbands and wives may feel hostility and stress at work, but at home they know they are loved and they are cared for. Parents may feel that their place on this planet is not that significant, but at home their children think they are the most important people in the world.

Families are God’s way for us to be nurtured and loved. The American family is being attacked as it never has before. There is more selfishness, more abusive behavior, and more irresponsibility. If a nation ever loses its core of strong families, it will quickly descend into moral chaos. But God has given us direction on how to maintain strong families. That’s what this study is all about. We are not going to be sharing only our opinions. Rather, we will be examining what God’s word teaches us about his plan for the Christian family.

John 17:22

And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one:

What do you think it means for us to be one with others? Why would God want us to be one?

Notice it is God’s desire for us to be united. Of course he is talking about his disciples, but I think this same principle applies to our family. We need to be one just as the Father and Son are one. This means we are united in purpose, united in love, and united in determination. We must stand firm together even when things aren’t going well.

Matthew 12:25

But Jesus knew their thoughts, and said to them: "Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand."

What divisions can divide our house? How can we work to repair these divisions?

Divisions in families is becoming more and more common today. Much of it is because family members aren’t willing to compromise or work together. But God says that a house divided against itself will not stand. So we must work to repair those divisions lest our own house fall. Having a successful marriage, and a happy family, requires hard work. Everyone must be willing to sacrifice, to let go of their "rights," and to give in to each other at times. Stubbornness is really only selfishness in disguise.

In Psalm 133 David gives us some important lessons on how to dwell in unity. I want to examine this brief but powerful psalm and see how we can apply it to our own family situation.

Psalm 133:1

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!

Does your family dwell together in unity? In your opinion, why or why not?

When a family is united, it is a good and pleasant thing. Love is the bond that unites us, but we must learn how to restrain our own selfish desires from destroying that unity. What are some of the keys of being united? Certainly hard work and patience are at the top of the list. We must also exhibit a willingness to forgive, and we must be willing to submit to each other in love. Pride is the enemy of unity. Stubbornness is its sword, and anger is its wound. We must learn to put the care and benefit of others above our own concerns. When we do this, we will find our family life is "good and pleasant." But we cannot do this alone. We need help which is the subject of the next verse.

Psalm 133:2

It is like the precious oil upon the head, running down on the beard, the beard of Aaron, running down on the edge of his garments.

Where should the oil of unity start in a family? How could you help unity flow from you to others in your family?

The high priests in Israel were anointed with oil. Our families need to be anointed with the oil of the Holy Spirit. The oil was poured on Aaron’s head. We must allow the Holy Spirit to anoint our head, to change our thoughts, to renew our mind, and correct our attitudes. The old way of doing things when we were single and on our own are no longer appropriate. We must allow God to transform our thinking.

Next we see that the oil flows down from the head to the beard and to the garments. When we allow Christ to minister to our heart and mind, we will see unity flowing from us to other members of the family. Some may ask with whom should the anointing oil start – the husband or the wife? Let me answer it this way. It should start with whoever wants unity in the family. It would be nice if it started with one of the parents, but it could start with a daughter or son and flow to the rest of the family. Let’s not play the blame game – trying to pin our family problems on others because they won’t let God work through them! Let’s just be concerned about allowing God to work through us. Do you want unity in your family? Then allow God to change your thoughts.

Psalm 133:3

It is like the dew of Hermon, descending upon the mountains of Zion; for there the Lord commanded the blessing-- life forevermore.

What happens when the moisture descends on the mountains? How will unity affect the spiritual, mental, and emotional growth of the family?

Unity in Christ is like the dew falling on the mountains. The moisture nourished the vegetation and caused new growth. The plant life supported the animal life. The mountains were lush with God’s blessings.

When the love of unity dwells in a family, there will also be vibrant life. Children will discover a joy and meaning in life. Parents will feel fulfilled in whatever they are doing. The dew will fall over the family and nourish spiritual growth. This nurturing environment will cause emotional wholeness. It will affect our attitudes and help us to be more open to spiritual growth.

Let us be willing to allow our family to experience the unity of Christ every moment of every day.

Spurgeon comments, "From the loftier mountains of moisture appears to be wafted to the lesser hills.... Where love reigns, God reigns. ...dwelling together in love we have begun the enjoyments of eternity."

Footnotes:

This series of studies on God’s Plan for the Christian Family © 1998 by David Humpal. All rights reserved.

All scriptures unless otherwise noted are from the New King James Version © 1984, Thomas Nelson Publishers

Spurgeon: The Treasury of David, vol. III, pg. 168, MacDonald Publishing Company