Throughout the years I have heard many messages for Mother’s Day. Most of them have focused on the young mother properly raising her children. Usually Proverbs 22:6 is quoted, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Now that my children are grown, I realize that we never stop parenting our children. We are involved in their lives as adults, but the focus of our parenting has changed. We are no longer training. Now we are there for support and encouragement. I thought it might be good to study from the Bible the example of a godly woman who helped out her grown daughter-in-law. Maybe we can gain some insights as to how we should be parenting our adult children. The mother is Naomi and her daughter-in-law is Ruth.

I didn’t have to wait for my children to grow up to realize that mothers never stop trying to raise their children no matter how old they get. Even now, my 100 year-old Grandmother will sometimes treat my Mom as if she were still a little girl, scolding her and wagging her finger at her to the amusement of the family.

Let’s take a look at the story of Naomi and Ruth. Naomi had come with her husband Elimelech and her two sons to the country of Moab. This occurred during a time of famine in Israel. Her husband died and her two sons, Mahlon and Chilion, married Moabite women. Ten years later her two sons also died and Naomi was left destitute and without means of support. She heard that the harvest was good back home in Bethlehem of Judah, so she determined to return to her home a sad and discouraged woman.

We learn a great deal of the kind of person Naomi was from these verses. The first thing we see is she cares for the welfare of her daughters-in-law more than for herself. It would be to her benefit to have younger people with her as she makes this long journey home, and as she will have to figure out how to survive without any economic means of support. But she doesn’t consider her own feelings. She only is looking out for what’s best for her two daughters-in-law, Orpah and Ruth.

As our children become adults, we need to learn to be selfless. Sometimes we can be very selfish, especially after our children become married. We want them to spend every holiday with us. And when they have children, we want to make sure that we are the favorite grandparents. Too often we do things to benefit us, instead of considering what’s best for our children or our grandchildren. Naomi was not this way. She cared for Ruth and Orpah so much that she was willing to suffer her own discomfort that they might have better lives.

The second thing we see is that neither daughter-in-law wanted to leave Naomi. Naomi had freed them from any family obligation they might have felt, but notice verse 9 tells us, "they lifted up their voices and wept." And then in verse 10 they started arguing with her. They genuinely did not want to leave Naomi. Naomi must have treated them with love and concern as if they were her own children. They cared about Naomi. They didn’t want to leave her alone to fend for herself. Naomi had probably not only been a mother to them, but also a friend. She cared for them and they knew it.

We need to let our grown children know that we love them and that we are proud of them. The hardest thing for me to learn to do was to tell my sons that I love them. This isn’t a thing a Father says to grown men. When they were little it was OK since I understood they needed to know that I cared for them. But when they grew up, I realized that I had stopped doing it. We get fooled into thinking men don’t tell other men that they love them. But our children, no matter how old they get, need to know that we still care for them, and that we are proud of what they have become. The only way for them to truly know this is for us to say the words. Naomi had obviously shown her love to her two daughters-in-law. Now they returned that love.

In verse 11 we see Naomi insisting that they stay behind with their family. She knew what was best for them, and she was not going to be dissuaded from her decision. As parents, do we only make a feeble attempt at doing what’s best for our children, and then are easily talked out of it? Or do we insist on only the very best for them, no matter how much it may hurt or inconvenience us?

Naomi stood her ground. There are times when we are dealing with our adult children, and we have to stand firm. We cannot give in to their pleadings. We know from experience the best thing to do. Our children have not learned the hard lessons that we have had to learn. So there will be times when they will not understand, but we must be resolute and not give in.

Orpah returned to her home, but Ruth was the stubborn child. She insisted on going. Notice that verse 18 tells us that when Naomi saw that Ruth was determined, she said no more. This is hard for parents to do — to say no more. We want to treat our children as if they were still 10 years old. So we keep on harping at them. When they were younger, they had to listen to us and obey us. But now they are old enough to make their own decisions. Some of their choices will be bad. But we must learn when to say no more, when it’s time to back off and treat them as if they were adults even when they may still be acting like children.

I believe this is one of the hardest things for parents to do. In our minds, our children are still acting like children. But in their minds, they are acting like mature adults. If we always treat them as if they are immature and irresponsible, they are going to build up resentment against us. We must learn to back off and assume that they will be capable of making the right decisions on their own without our help.

I will never forget the time when I was 19. I was in Berkeley and my Dad came to visit me. In his mind, he may not have agreed with some of the choices I was making at the time, but I’ll never forget that it was at that visit when he responded to me as if I were an adult capable of making my own decisions. Looking back, I know he must have thought some of my choices showed poor judgement. But he didn’t indicate this to me at all. This meant a lot to me.

Naomi knew when it was time to say no more. Do we know when it’s time to say no more, or do we keep on nagging until we’re blue in the face? We need to learn restraint. Our children may indeed be acting as if they are still ten years old, but we need to show them the respect as if they are a grown adult, which by the way they are.

Naomi and Ruth arrive in Bethlehem. Naomi is so discouraged that she tells her old friends and relatives to not even call her Naomi, but rather call her Bitterness because of all the bad things that have happened to her.

How did Ruth find out about Boaz? Knowing the way mothers operate, I would imagine Naomi had been dropping little hints throughout the day. Actually, we learn from chapter 4 that Naomi had two relatives of some financial means, but she only tells Ruth about one of them. You know the way mothers are. They only want the very best for their children. They tend to be matchmakers. Boaz would be quite a catch. Apparently the other relative wasn’t too impressive.

Naomi’s plan seemed to work. Ruth went out to the fields of Boaz, and he noticed her. He let her gather the grain with his servants, and even told his workers to drop extra grain in her path. From verse 11 of chapter 3 we see how Boaz had heard about Naomi and Ruth. He probably knew Naomi’s sad story. He no doubt felt compassion for her, and was helping her by allowing her daughter-in-law to gather extra grain for both of them.

The next thing Naomi does is to help Ruth with a strange custom of ancient Israel.

You may think this sounds strange. MacDonald comments, "This may seem very irregular to us in our culture, but actually it was the accepted practice in that day and there was nothing evil or suggestive about it."

Naomi is instructing Ruth in an important custom of Israel. The process she describes is the accepted form to ask a close kinsman for protection. If he grants her request, he will become her protector and purchase back the family plot of land that Elimelech sold when they left for Moab.

This is one of the most important things a parent can do for their grown children — help them through the mazes of life. Due to our own experience, we better understand the complexities of finance, business procedures, government red tape, and even spiritual pitfalls. Naomi did not tell Ruth these things beforehand. She waited for the appropriate time. She knew Ruth’s heart, and from the abundance of Boaz’s help, she sensed he would be willing to become involved with their plight.

She stepped in, not to force Ruth into doing something distasteful; but rather to help Ruth achieve what she really wanted in her heart. If we can learn to be silent when our children are not ready for our advice, and then be quick to help when they are ready for our assistance, we can be a great help and blessing to our grown children.

From verses 8-17 we see that Boaz responded well to Ruth’s request. He makes two interesting statements. In verse 11 he says that the whole city knows that Ruth is a virtuous woman, and in verse 17 we find out that Boaz was concerned for the well-being of Naomi. Boaz sends Ruth back to Naomi with an abundance of food which makes Naomi realize that Boaz is very serious in his feelings toward Ruth.

What a beautiful example of how a Mother can help her children. Young adults always want to be doing something to make things happen, but there are times when they just need to wait for God to work out his will in their lives. Naomi could sense in the actions of Boaz what Ruth did not see: Boaz had fallen in love with Ruth. Naomi assures her daughter-in-law and gives her wise advice.

Sometimes when our grown children are excited about something that’s occurring in their lives and are impatient to make it happen, we can come along side them and help them to learn to wait on the Lord. There will be times when we will see things in their lives that they cannot see. It’s at those times when we can give them wise advice which will help them through those emotional roller-coaster times of their lives.

Boaz appeals to the law to buy back the land Elimelech had sold when they left for Moab. In Israel, land that was sold never really left the possession of the family. Every 50 years in the Year of Jubilee it would be returned to the family or its descendants. At any time in between these periods of 50 years, a relative could redeem the land by purchasing it back. Gower explains, "If...a member of the family that had sold the land was able to raise the money to buy it back on behalf of the family, then the land had to be returned at once. Or if a childless widow remarried, her husband could purchase the land, but it would pass on to their firstborn child, who would carry the original family name, so that the land did not go out of the family. An example is recorded in the story of Ruth and Boaz."

The relative who is closer than Boaz agrees to redeem the land, or buy it back. It is then that Boaz reveals his heart. Under the Law all that was required was for the kinsman to buy back the land for the family to live on. But Boaz insists that the kinsman must also marry Ruth which the other relative was not ready to do. It’s difficult for a man in love to hide his feelings. I think the relative sensed the heart of Boaz, and that’s why he backed out of the deal.

Ruth and Boaz became married, and Naomi was given back her husband’s land. The baby that was born to Ruth became the grandfather of David, the king of Israel, and the ancestor of Jesus, our Savior.

So what kind of parent are we? Do we act like Naomi, with love, patience, and help when it is needed? Let us work to that end. Then we will be like the mother in Proverbs 31:28, "Her children arise up, and call her blessed."

Footnotes:

This Study from the Book of Ruth © 1997 by David Humpal. All Rights Reserved
All scriptures unless otherwise noted are from the Revised Standard Version © 1971, A. J. Holman Company

MacDonald: Believer’s Bible Commentary, Old Testament volume, pg. 291, © 1992, Thomas Nelson, Publishers

Gower: The New Manners and Customs of Bible Times pg. 24, © 1987, Moody Press

Proverbs 31:28 from the King James Version